After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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