Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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