I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
