He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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