: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Randomize
