Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
