I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
