Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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