she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
