He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize