why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
