Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
