i don't plan on having that self control this summer
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I can't turn off my feet"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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