Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
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