I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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