i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
