i don't want you to think of me as your TA
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
