I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
