anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
wow bdsm is so cute
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
