At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
she pinky promised me she was 18
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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