dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
