She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
