absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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