Where did you get a picture of my penis
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
