still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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