What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Terrible idea I love it
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize