I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
