I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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