apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
