The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
