I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
