she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize