I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
