I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
