How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
