i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
