Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
