my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
