OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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