you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
