I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
