we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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