i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Come see our sink grown plant.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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