He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
So squirting runs in the family.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
