I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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