Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
