I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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