New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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