I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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