hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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