Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize