Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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