we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
