I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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