my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
