I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
