yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
