and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
