I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
