Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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