In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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