I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
