The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
