I hope mine doesn't look like that
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
