Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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