the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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