need another drink. this is the easiest way
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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