what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
