I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
