Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
