i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize