I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
