I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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