he puts the penis in happiness.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
