My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
