Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
