He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
