I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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