i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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