Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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