Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
