This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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