Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Shame - the story of my life.
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