Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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