Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
