Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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