pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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