i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
