Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize