He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
