I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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