You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
