He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
