where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
