drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
