I'm so fucking centered right now
Yo dont text me then not text me
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I smell stomach acid.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
