Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
