he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
our cab driver is having phone sex.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
