and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
