for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
