my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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