your thong is hanging out like whoa
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
