If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
