I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize