I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
