Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
