i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
