The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
And then he peed in my hair
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