I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
